By far the Most Important Relationship Advice for Empaths and HSPs
If you want to save the world, begin with yourself. Find a place in you to heal and grow. ~ Doree Madge Blake
"Nobody is excused from the great work of self-acceptance, especially in the context of an intimate relationship. Indeed, the more intense our relationship is, the more essential it becomes that we take time alone to re-center and love and accept ourselves.
If we give that job to our partners—a possibility that continues to seduce us—we end up betraying ourselves. Our partner’s love and acceptance of us can never be a substitute for our love and acceptance of ourselves.
Loving ourselves is the foundation. Our partner’s love is carried by the strength of that foundation or undermined by its weakness. If the foundation is weak, the relationship will self-destruct. It is unable to bear the weight that is put on it.
In any relationship, it is our responsibility to keep our own foundation strong. That means taking good care of ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
It means taking care of our bodies: eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep. It means taking time to feel, work through, and express our feelings. It means being aware of our thoughts and seeing how they either contribute to our happiness or undermine it. And it means connecting with our Essence on a regular basis.
Yes, that’s a lot. But that is what builds the foundation.
And if you need a hand along the way, consider coaching.
If we try to get all of this from our partner, we are bound to be disappointed. It’s time to stop trying.
If our partner is able to keep his or her own foundation strong, then s/he is giving us the greatest blessing possible. We don’t need more than that. More than that is an illusion.
You can care for your partner, but you cannot help him/her build the foundation of self acceptance and self love. That is individual work.
That is the gift we bring to relationship. Without it, any relationship is an exercise in futility. As soon as the ground shakes, the foundation will crack and building will come crashing down.
Of course, we must realize that building the foundation is not something we do in five minutes. It is something that requires our constant attention. Even five minutes a day will not suffice.” -Paul Ferrini